You Matched on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble or Happn. Now What?

Keep the chat going, but not forever

A good chat is a great start, but it's only a start. The longer you message without meeting, the more you fill the gaps with guesses, and the real person has to compete with the one you imagined.

Once you've been chatting easily for a few days and you both seem keen, suggest meeting. Not ready yet? Suggest a short video call first. It's a gentle way to check the spark is real, and it's safer too.

While you chat, ask questions that go past "how was your day":

• What's something you're weirdly good at?
• What does a perfect Sunday look like for you?
• What's the best thing you've eaten this month?

Want more? Here are 80 questions to ask your partner, sorted by how well you know each other.

If you matched on Tinder

Tinder is quick. A swipe, a match and an opener, often with very little to go on: a few photos and a short bio. That speed is fun, but it means you start out knowing less about each other than on most apps.

• Use the photos. A trek, a dog, a concert crowd: ask the story behind one. It gets you past small talk fast.
• Say what you're looking for, kindly. People use Tinder for everything from friendship to marriage. If you're hoping for something real, say so early and lightly. It saves you both time.
• Don't let it drift. Chats fade fast when there's always another match. If it's going well, make a plan within a few days.

If you matched on Hinge

On Hinge, one of you liked or commented on a specific photo or prompt of the other's. That's a gift: you already have a thread to pull on.

• Build on the prompt. If their prompt was about the best momos in the city, your first date has picked itself.
• Go a little deeper. Hinge profiles say more than most, so your chat can too. Ask about the "why" behind their answers.
• Talk about deleting it, eventually. Hinge famously calls itself the app "designed to be deleted". When you both stop opening it, that's worth saying out loud.

If you matched on Bumble

Bumble built its name on women making the first move, and many chats now start from an Opening Move: a question one of you set on your profile. Matches can also expire if nobody replies in time, so a little pace is built in.

• Answer the question properly. If the chat started with an Opening Move, give a real answer, then ask one back.
• Keep the momentum. The app nudges you to reply quickly. Carry that energy into making a plan.
• Anyone can suggest the date. Whoever sent the first message, it's fine for either of you to say "coffee this weekend?"

If you crossed paths on Happn

Happn shows you people you've crossed paths with in real life. So the two of you already share something most matches don't: a place. The same café, the same metro line, the same street on the way to work.

• Start with the place. "Wait, do you go to that bakery too?" is an easy opener and a ready-made first date.
• Mind your privacy. Crossing paths doesn't mean sharing your address or your daily route. Keep those to yourself until you know each other well.
• Meet in public. A spot near where you crossed paths is cute, but make it a café or a park, not your building or your office.

Plan a first date that's easy to say yes to

The best first dates are short, public and specific. "Chai at that place near the station, Saturday at five?" is much easier to say yes to than "we should meet sometime".

• Keep it short. Coffee, a walk, a dessert run. If it's going well, you can always stay longer.
• Pick a public place, and get there and back on your own.
• Tell a friend where you're going and who you're meeting.
• Put your phone away. Nothing says "I'm interested" like full attention. More on that in our date ideas for couples.

The first weeks: from dating to together

After a few good dates, things get exciting and a little confusing. A few things help:

• Choose steady over intense. A message every morning beats a three-hour call once a week. Steady signals build trust.
• Have the talk. When you only want to see each other, say so. "I'm not really looking at anyone else. Are you?" is enough.
• Delete the apps together. It sounds small, but doing it at the same time, side by side, is a sweet little ritual and a clear sign you're both in.
• Make memories on purpose. Take the photo, keep the ticket, write down the silly thing they said. Later you'll be glad you did.

When you can't be together

Even new couples spend most of their time apart: work, college, family, friends, sometimes a different city. That's where a lot of new relationships wobble. Not because anything's wrong, but because the little signs of love go quiet.

That's why we made Toffee & Bao, a couples app for exactly two people. It isn't a dating app. It's for after the match, when you're a couple:

• Hugs you can feel. Hold the hug button and their phone buzzes for as long as you hold.
• Moods with a shake. Pick a mood and shake your phone. The harder you shake, the stronger it lands.
• One question a day. Answer first and theirs unlocks. A gentle way to keep learning about each other.
• A memory wall for that first date, the first trip and everything after.

For more ideas, read how to feel close when you can't be together.

Quick answers

How long should you chat before meeting someone from a dating app?

There's no fixed rule, but many people suggest meeting within one or two weeks of chatting easily. Long enough to feel comfortable, short enough that the chat doesn't replace the real thing. A video call first is a good middle step.

When should you delete dating apps?

When you've agreed you're only seeing each other. Many couples like to do it together, as a little moment of their own.

Is Toffee & Bao a dating app?

No. Toffee & Bao doesn't help you meet anyone new. It's for two people who are already together, to stay close every day.

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Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and Happn are trademarks of their owners. Toffee & Bao isn't affiliated with or endorsed by them.